Global Times or The Onion?

On the airplane I was given a copy of China’s Global Times to read. Within minutes I was giggling in my seat like a crazy person due to the total hilarity of the articles. About half of them easily would have worked in any Onion. These are some of the funniest (the titles are copied verbatim):

China Unlikely Cause of Korean air pollution

In which China outright refuted being the cause of the Korean pollution spike by saying, “the reason our pollution is so bad is because there is no wind. So obviously it didn’t blow to you because there is no wind!”
Really, how can you argue with logic like that?

KFC Didn’t Get Meat from Sick Chickens: Investigators

I mean, I know this is a serious issue, but that must be the funniest way to write that headline.

Tattle-Tales Reap Exam Points

In which a teacher had an exam question asking students to write the names of three students who skipped class the most. Almost all the students did answered it.

Front Page Apology for Skipping Meetings

In which 2 officials of a southern city had to write self-criticisms in the paper for missing a single meeting. Their excuse? Noody told them about it. But they had to list all their flaws and apologize.
I don’t read the chinese english language newspapers that often, but when I do it is good for a laugh. A Chinese paper looking like The Onion isn’t such an absurd idea, after all, a Chinese newspaper recently did publish an Onion article as if it were fact. Also, the newspaper had a Garfield comic. Not a comic page with several different strips, just one garfield comic. For that I apologize to the Chinese people.