Dating in China: Stories from the Trenches

It seems like you gossip mongers are really into my dating life (if Google Analytics and my most popular blog entries are to be believed.) So I decided to share a few of the funnier moments from the life of an American who dates Chinese guys.
But first, a confession:
I mentioned a few months ago that me and my chinese boyfriend broke up. But I kind of mentioned it in passing, at the bottom of a post because things weren’t really clear to me. You see, we broke up, but we didn’t break up. He’s a bad boyfriend, but we get along like gangbusters and well, we are very compatible in other areas as well. *cough*
So we’ve still been seeing each other for the past several months, just without the label of boyfriend/girlfriend. (Which is perfect for me as I don’t want a serious boyfriend right now.) In fact, I realized with a shock that we have been together for 8 friggin’ months. At this rate we’re going to get married while technically not even dating.
Now that that’s off my chest I’ll start with the stories, highlighting some of the more absurd moments. Last summer, when I was living in Kunming, I was seeing a local guy. We had spent some time together, traveled around the city, did different things. I even met some of his friends and had a home cooked meal at their house. One night I invited him over and I went outside to meet him at the bus stop.
As I was waiting, a friend walked by. I told the friend I was waiting for someone and he sat down to keep me company. We chatted and before long I realized my date should have arrived by now. So I texted him, “Where are you?”
I quickly got a reply back. “You’re not alone.”
That’s when I looked over at the bus stop and noticed a lone pair of skinny legs standing there, the rest of the body hidden by those big bus stop signs. I knew whose those legs belonged to.
“Come on over,” I texted back. I even shouted out “guo lai!” come here. But the legs remained unmoving.
Finally I told my friend that he had to leave as this guy was too shy to come out of hiding until I was alone. It wasn’t until my friend had walked away, and turned the corner, that I saw a little head peek out and my date finally revealed himself. Then he made me wait 5 more minutes before going up, lest we run into my friend waiting for the elevator.
Actually, sadly, a lot of my stories have to deal with the timidity of chinese guys. Once, I spent the whole day with a guy. We ate together, hung out, went shopping, took a walk in the park. We had a great time, got along really well, but aside from a brief moment where he put his arm around me, nothing physical had happened.
Really late at night he walked me back to my room. He stood outside the building and leaned in close. This is it, I though, a good night kiss.
He leans in close, then thrusts his hand out in front of my face for a handshake. “Good night!” he says then runs off into the dark.
But even a hand shake was better than some guys. Once a guy came to my school and we stayed out until 4am just talking by the lake. There was no one else around, the weather was summertime warm and steamy, and we had sat in a gazebo eating lychee fruit, drinking milk tea and talking about our lives. We had been out a few times, and I thought things were going really well. I walked him to the gate of my school, and he suddenly picked up his pace and began speed walking out the gate waving bye frantically at me from a distance.
I will say I knew enough about dating chinese guys at that point to know the nervous running away from me thing was actually a good sign. And sure enough soon after he finally made his move (which is another hilarious story but I’m too shy to share that one. Sorry!) and he eventually became my boyfriend.
There was one guy who didn’t get very far with me because of the way he started. We were chatting and he asked me what I did. “Sales?” he guessed. I said no, I was a English teacher and we kept chatting. Before long he asked what I did back in America. “Sales?” he guessed again.
“I had many jobs,” I said, “but never sales.” We continue chatting and 10 minutes later he asked me if I ever worked in an automotive parts shop. Now, all this was going on in chinese, and that question threw me off vocabulary-wise, and well, random-wise. Automotive parts?! “No, I never sold automotive parts,” I said.
We continued chatting but now I was on my guard. My suspicions were confirmed a few minutes later when he asked me if I sold auto parts in China. “What is it with you and auto parts?!” I asked. “I have no interest in auto parts. Stop asking me about auto parts!”
“Okay, okay,” he said kind of laughing. “I won’t.” Time goes by, we’re still chatting and then he finally says, “So do you want to sell auto parts in China with me? You can order them from America and I can sell them in China.”
Needless to say, that relationship didn’t work out.
These stories are really just the tip of the iceberg on some experiences I’ve had. Maybe some of you are wondering why I bother. Why do I bother struggling with language (I’ve never dated an english speaker in China) and/or culture difference? Why not just date foreigners? Well, I’m in China to experience China. And to me dating Chinese guys is just part of that. Like I’ve said in the past, I didn’t come to china to eat western food all the time, and have only foreign friends. I’m here to experience life in China, and dating is a part of that, and has really enriched my life here.
(Plus, the guys are really hot. Heh heh.)
Photo Credit